Chapter 143

Farewell

Mai was running frantically through the forest, stumbling from time to time. Her heartbeat was racing, the chaos was in her thoughts. Right now she could concentrate only on running away from Sesshomaru, not caring about that she was naked. She didn’t know how long was she running, but finally stopped, struggling to catch her breath. She looked around. Wasn’t she supposed to be in the camp already? However, neither her companions nor the campfire were to be seen. Crap. She got lost. In her panic she must have run in the wrong direction – while escaping the sex-possessed beast Sesshomaru she didn’t even care, where she was heading. Mai put her arms around her, as she felt the chill on her bare skin. She wondered, what should she do. Maybe if she traced her steps back… No, that was definitely a bad idea, because the dog demon was there. Maybe if…

“Did you get lost again?” the deep voice right behind asked. 

The girl felt a shiver go down her spine. Shit! Now she was done for. Swiftly, she whirled around and saw him standing not two meters from her. She gulped, expecting him to do something horrible to her for pulling such a stunt. She stood still, as the inu-youkai came closer. She bit her lower lip and looked up at his face. The demon glanced briefly at her naked body.

“You forgot your kimono.” He said, handing her the clothing.

Mai stared dumbfounded at him giving her kimono. Hesitantly, she took it. Sesshomaru turned around, granting her some privacy. The girl slowly put the kimono on and tied the obi, gawking at the demon’s back. No pining to trees or stones? No attempts at raping her? He just came and gave her the clothes she left by the pond… Damn, he was so hard to figure out.

“Thanks.” Mai muttered. 

The demon turned around and nodded. For the moment they stood still, the girl gazing at her feet. Neither she nor Sesshomaru moved for a couple of long minutes, not looking at each other. Finally, the youkai broke the silence.

“Why did you exchange the wedding vows with me?” he asked. 

Mai’s head snapped up at the unexpected question. Why did he bring that up right now?

“I had to.” She answered after a while of hesitation, meeting his eyes. “Your mother blackmailed me into this. Had I refused, she would have killed the bunch of kids, that she brought as hostages.”

The uncomfortable silence fell again.

“You do not wish to be my wife.” Sesshomaru said, more statement than a question. 

The girl was reluctant to answer, even though what the demon just said was true. She might come to terms with it in the future, but the fact was, that both of them were maneuvered into this marriage by his mother. She agreed to keep her conscience clear and the inu-youkai couldn’t refuse because of the agreement with lady Sayuri, that involved swearing on the grave of his late father. Under normal circumstances they would never marry. He was a demon and she was a human – that didn’t have any chances to work out, especially given his opinion on humans and hanyous. Even though he once told her, that he didn’t hate her, Mai was sure that he would never want her for his wife and if they ever had children, they would be half-demons. Would he hate them? Would he be disappointed? Repulsed? The girl had a horrible feeling, that Sesshomaru would spend the years of their marriage in a constant regret. Wouldn’t it be better to avoid it?

Mai looked at him, biting her lower lip.

“Myoga told me, that if the marriage isn’t consummated for a year, it can be cancelled.” She said, feeling a stab in her heart, as the words left her mouth. 

After the kiss Mai was confused about her feelings – she didn’t know, what she wanted anymore, but she knew one – she didn’t want Sesshomaru to live in regret because of his pride and sense of obligation. Tying him down was simply cruel.

The inu-youkai studied Mai’s face, taking in her words. Clearly, she did not wish to stay at his side. He was foolish even to think, that she would want to, considering that she was forced into their union. How stupid could he be to take it for granted, that she would return his affection just because he took her as his spouse? 

Sesshomaru furrowed his brows, observing the woman nervously playing with the hem of her kimono.

“Is that what you want, to cancel our union?” he asked.

“I…” she began hesitantly, refusing to look at him. She shook her head. “I don’t know what I want.” 

She said, according to the truth. In her head and heart was chaos, she needed to sort the things out. Earlier, she firmly wanted the divorce, but now she wasn’t so sure about it anymore.

“I see.” Sesshomaru replied, watching Mai’s uneasiness. 

The demon was not surprised with it. For a woman to make the decision to cancel a marriage agreement meant disgrace. Many spouses chose death afterwards, not being able to bear the humiliation. For her to propose cancelling their union… The youkai felt a stab of sadness and regret – his wife must truly despise him, if she wanted to endure such disgrace to part her ways with him. It was no wonder, after all, for it would be an overstatement to claim, that she was travelling with him willingly in the first place. Sesshomaru desired her, he wanted to possess her completely: her soul, her body, her heart. But, to force her into yielding to his selfish desire would truly make him a monster. If she was to remain his wife, she would be stigmatized among her kind as a youkai’s bride, shunned, as would her children be. Did he have a right to force her into giving birth to a hanyou? He did not want her to be a bird locked into a cage. He would rather see Mai happy without him, than suffering at his side. He clenched his teeth, making this most difficult decision.

“Come, Mai.” He said, reaching his hand to her.

Mai looked at the clawed hand and slowly came closer, placing her palm in his bigger one. Sesshomaru’s fingers closed around her hand, as he gently pulled her closer to him. The girl didn’t resist, as she saw no malicious intentions in his golden eyes. However, there was other emotion, like… sadness?

“Hold onto the fur.” Sesshomaru said. 

Mai furrowed her brows. What the hell did he want to do. Seeing her reluctance to obey him, the demon let out an irritated growl. 

“Do it.”

The girl circled him and tangled her fingers into the silky soft, white fur. Suddenly, the powerful demonic aura swirled around Sesshomaru’s large frame. Mai grabbed the fur tighter, knowing, that he was going to transform into his true form. She yelped, as the youkai changed his shape and she found herself sitting on the back of the huge dog demon. The girl readjusted her hold, before Sesshomaru jumped and soared into the sky, heading for the clouds.

Mai was quite nervous. Where was he taking her? Their conversation just a while ago was quite unpleasant and must have pissed him, even though he didn’t show it. She felt a horrible twisting in her stomach at the suspicion, that he intended to take her somewhere away, so that she had absolutely no chance to escape, while he has his way with her. She wanted to at least ask him, what he planned to do with her, but it was pointless, since he was in his dog form. It seemed, that there was nothing she could do, at least till he lands. She gazed at the clouds, now lit with the red light, as the sun was already setting. It looked like they were gliding over the sea of blood.

After few horribly long hours, Sesshomaru dived under the clouds and lowered his flight. Clutching the white fur tightly, Mai looked down. She couldn’t really see much, as the night fell and the world was lit only by the faint light of stars and moon. However, she could discern some red light down there – probably the fire, that lit the human abodes. When the dog demon glided lower, making a big circle in the sky, the girl made out a silhouette of a castle. She couldn’t see it clearly in the dark, but it looked very familiar to her. Finally, the demon found a spot to land, in some distance from the castle. 

The ground trembled, as he crashed into it.

Without any warning, he transformed back into his usual form, skillfully snatching Mai in midair and gently putting her on the ground. The girl pushed his arm away from her waist and turned around to look him in the face, wanting to question him about the reason, he brought her here.

“Sesshomaru, what was that for?” she asked sharply, but he merely sent her a cold look, that made her close her mouth. So cold…

The girl narrowed her eyes at him, intending to set some things straight. She placed her hands on the hips and lifted her head to glare at the demon, trying to appear confident, what was naturally a bluff.

“Sesshomaru, if you want to…” she began, glaring daggers at him.

“Shut up!” the youkai suddenly snapped at the girl. Mai’s eyes widened at his unexpected outburst. Sesshomaru’s face was completely expressionless, eyes were like cold steel. 

“Mai.” He said in a dead-serious tone. “You are to remain here for a year. Then I will come and we will part our ways.”

Mai stared at him, dumbfounded, not believing the words, that just came out of his mouth. She watched as he turned around, about to walk away. The girl darted forward and gripped the empty sleeve of his haori.

“You… you’re leaving me?” she uttered, shocked by what was just happening.

Sesshomaru glanced at her coldly over his shoulder and forcefully pulled his sleeve out of her grip. Mai attempted to hold onto the fabric, but her fingers grasped only air. He averted his gaze from her.

“Farewell.” The demon said and leapt into the night sky, not looking back.

Mai stared at Sesshomaru, as his silhouette was getting smaller and smaller. She wanted to call his name, but her voice just wouldn’t come out. She didn’t know how long was she standing still, gazing at the night sky. The stars were shining brightly tonight, showing the milky way, and the moon was full. The girl couldn’t help noticing, that the night sky looked the same as the first night, after Sesshomaru kidnapped her from the Asakura castle. The circle of events seemed to be complete.

Mai felt, that a chapter of her life just ended. A single tear dropped on her cheek.

Sesshomaru clenched his eyes shut, as he was gliding above the clouds. Leaving Mai proved to be more difficult, that he thought, but it had to be done. He should have spared her all her suffering and done this earlier. She should be safe in the castle and happy, for she was finally set free. And yet the demon felt unnamed emptiness, as though with her he left behind a fragment of himself.

He opened his eyes, now determination burning in them. Naraku must be swiftly defeated, so that Mai would be completely safe. Now that was the only thing, Sesshomaru could do for her sake and he would accomplish it, at all costs.

“Why?” Mai whispered to the night, as Sesshomaru left her alone. 

She realized, that she was just set free. Yet there was no happiness in her heart at the thought. She clenched her teeth, muffling a sob, that wanted to escape her throat. She should be glad, that the demon decided at go along with her plan to divorce him, but being rejected by him hurt unbearably. The girl lifted her hand to the face and touched her lips, remembering, how his kisses felt – she would never feel the warmth of his lips anymore. She knew, that she wouldn’t probably ever see Rin, Jaken and Ah-Un, but now she could only regret not seeing Sesshomaru again. Never to travel by his side, never to see him making those silly serious faces at her, never to experience his strangely defined demonic kindness, never to gaze into his golden eyes, never to feel his touch… 

Mai couldn’t picture her life without him. Earlier she wanted to escape him, but now everything changed. The thought, that he would just vanish from her life without a trace, made tears stream down her face. She clenched her eyes shut to stop the tears from flowing, but it didn’t help. A sob shook her body, as Mai fell on her knees. Suddenly, the tangled emotions, that swayed her heart, straightened and it became crystal clear.

“I love him.” She said to the void, as the realization struck her. 

The girl gasped, covering her mouth. Her heart was telling her, that it was true – she loved this arrogant demon with a horrible attitude. Sometimes it felt, as though she hated him with all her might, but also loved him at the same time, just the way he was. She loved him all along, but was too stubborn to admit it to herself and now, because of her stupidity, she lost him. 

More importantly, he just declared her, that he didn’t want to see her again. God, he must hate her now… Mai felt terribly. Her love was lost before she even realized, that it was there the whole time. If only she didn’t resist so foolishly, maybe he wouldn’t leave her and they would have a chance to be together. If only she was more understanding… If only…

Mai felt something light and cold on her hand. She lifted the palm to her eyes and examined it – a snowflake. She looked up and saw snow falling, apparently it was the first day of winter today. She smiled sadly. How fitting, for in her heart also ruled the eternal winter now.

Slowly, she stood up and made her way to the castle.

As Mai was passing the temple on the outskirts of the village, she stopped for a while to look at it. Now it seemed to be ruined, as no one cared about the old building. Seeing the temple brought back the memories. It was here, where she played with Rin and precisely here she first saw Sesshomaru, who descended on his dragon from the skies to snatch her away. Here was where her whole story with the silver-haired dog demon began.

And here it will end. – the girl thought, reaching to her hair. The hair fell loosely around her face, as she took her silver hairpin off. She looked at the piece of jewelry. She never truly realized it, but it was her token of love she felt towards Sesshomaru. It was precious to her not because it was pretty, but because it was him, who gave it to her. She clenched her fist around the hairpin. He was not going back. It would be stupid to hope for that. Mai cast away the hairpin and ran towards the castle, tears flowing down her cheeks.

A figure clad in a dark cloak calmly observed the girl, darting towards the Asakura castle. Once she was far enough, the person stepped out of the trees’ shadow and gazed how emeralds and silver glistened in the pure white snow. The figure bent down to pick up the piece of jewelry, snatching it gently in long, pale fingers. A malicious smile played on the lips.

“Revenge is a dish best served cold.” The stranger said, letting out a small laugh, before vanishing between the trees.

“Open up!” Mai shouted, banging with her fist on the closed caste gates. Outside was getting colder and colder. Till the dawn, when the gates were opened, were still couple of hours left and she didn’t want to freeze to death. Her bare feet were red already. “OPEN!”

Finally, a guard looked at her from the wall above, frowning.

“We open the gates at dawn.” He stated. Mai narrowed her eyes at him.

“I am Amayami-hime! Now open the damn door!” she yelled to him. The men laughed at her words. Another head appeared on the castle wall, as second guard came to look at her. He squinted his eyes, and then gasped.

“Nobuhige, open the gates. This is really the lord’s daughter.” He hissed to his companions.

After a moment, the heavy gates shifted, opening just a bit. Mai slipped inside and made her way 

right towards the building, where the lord resided. Now, when Sesshomaru abandoned her and Inuyasha along with Kagome and everyone were busy fighting Naraku, she was basically homeless. Staying at the Asakura castle was the only option. Once again, she had to assume princess Amayami’s identity.

Fortunately, the guards of the inner castle recognized her face and let her through without any problems, albeit they seemed to be surprised to see her here again. Finally she reached her fake father’s quarters. It would be the best to let him know that she was aback as soon as possible.

“Amayami-hime?” one of the guards asked.

“Tell my father, that I returned.” She said dryly.

“But… it’s middle of the night and the lord is sleeping…” he bubbled. Mai narrowed her eyes at him.

“Wake him up.” She demanded. The man bowed shortly and run to do, what she ordered. The girl sighed, realizing that she was behaving like some bitch. She was depressed, but that was no reason to be horrible to the people around. She took a deep breath and waited patiently.

Finally, the lord Asakura appeared in the doorway, his hair loose and messy, as he was just awoken from his slumber. Seeing the girl, his eyes widened.

“Amayami!” he gasped. “What are you doing here?”

Mai glanced at the guards, who were sending her curious looks. She didn’t want to make a show.

“Father, we should talk alone.” She said. Lord Asakura nodded and with gesture ushered her into his chambers. Mai obediently came in and sat on a cushion. Her fake father sat in front of her. He was examining her with worry, especially when he saw her bare feet, red from the cold, and the disheveled kimono. The girl bit her bottom lip, uneager to begin explaining. The lord furrowed his brows.

“Are you healthy, my child?” he asked.

“Yes.” Mai answered quietly, nodding.

“Why are you here?” her fake father asked. “Why are you not with your… husband?” The last word was spoken with disdain.

“He… He left me. I need a place to stay.” The girl admitted, as the tears began welling in her eyes anew. The lord frowned.

“Were you cast away by your husband?” he demanded. 

Mai only nodded, staring at the tatami mat in front of her. She wiped the tears with the hem of her kimono and looked up at the lord, who was glaring at her with a disapproval written on his face. The lord cleared his throat. 

“It was the disgrace for the Asakura clan, that I let you become wife of this mononoke, but being cast away by him is an insult to Echizen! What a humiliation! I hope, that there is no hanyou in your womb, my daughter.”

Mai shook her head, still not looking at the lord.

“No, we… the marriage has not been consummated.” She explained, refraining herself from sobbing. “It can be cancelled in a couple of months.”

The lord Asakura audibly sighed. He was relieved, that the shameful marriage of his daughter was in spirit only.

“Thank gods. At least a little shame was spared. However, it will be difficult to find you a suitable husband, that would want a woman, that was a demon’s spouse.” He said.

Mai looked at him, wiping her tears.

“I don’t want any husband.” She said firmly, her eyes burning with determination. Lord Asakura frowned at her defiance.

“But, child, a well-bred woman cannot remained unmarried. Besides, Echizen needs a heir. After my death it will be your future son, who will be the next daimyo.” He protested.

Mai didn’t intend on changing her mind.

“You can adopt your nephew, the lord of Wakasa.” She suggested.

However, the lord Asakura was equally stubborn. He narrowed his eyes.

“Amayami, you need a husband.” She insisted.

Mai shook her head.

“I already have one.” The girl stated firmly, folding her arms. Her fake father fumed. He slammed his fist against the floor.

“He’s a mononoke! He’s a monster, that took you from everything you knew! How could you still want him for your husband, even though he cast you away?!” the lord yelled at her.

Mai smiled bitterly.

“I love him.” She said quietly and suddenly broke in tears. She covered her face with her hands, not wanting the lord to see her in such state. She began sobbing uncontrollably.

The lord’s face softened upon seeing the girl, he thought to be his daughter, being so miserable. It pained him to see his child suffering. It was foolish of her to let her heart be captured by a mononoke, but the ways of heart are mysterious indeed. Even disgraced, she remained his only daughter, his most precious child. He motioned himself closer to her and put his hand on her head in a calming, fatherly gesture.

“Do not cry, my child.” He said in a hushed voice. “The time heals even the wounds of heart.”

During the next days Mai was accustoming to the court life. However, the only ones who were happy about her return, were her fake father and Aiko. When it came to other people, especially nobles, they were treating her with disdain, whispering behind her back ‘youkai’s whore’ and ‘disgrace’. It became soon painfully apparent, that being a demon’s wife, that was cast away at that, was considered as the ultimate humiliation. However, Mai refused to feel ashamed. The ill-wishers didn’t knew Sesshomaru as well as she did. There was nothing humiliating in being the spouse of a man like him.

After a short time, she began isolating herself from the vicious court members, spending most of her days alone or in Aiko’s company. It seemed, that even her fake father was ashamed to be seen with her. Mai didn’t let that bother her – she had other worries. With every passing day her longing for Sesshomaru was increasing, making her feel more and more miserable. There wasn’t an hour without sparing him a thought. She wondered if he was still alive, if he wasn’t wounded in battle, if he thought of her as well… She flipped off the last idea – it wasn’t like him to be concerned by such trivial matters, it’s not like he returned her feeling… 

“Amayami, you have not eaten your meal again.” Mai’s head snapped up at Aiko’s nagging. The old crone was looking at her with worry in her eyes. “You must eat! Child, look at you, you look like a ghost!”

“I’m fine.” The girl muttered, turning away from Aiko and gazing at the falling snow. She wondered if it was snowing too in the place, where Sesshomaru and the others were.

“Amayami, your father found you an acceptable betrothed.” The old crone announced. Mai rolled her eyes. The people around her just couldn’t grasp, that she wanted to be left alone! She glanced at Aiko.

“Who is it this time?” she asked, disinterested. The old crone sighed heavily at her lack of enthusiasm.

“You should really appreciate, that someone actually wants your hand, considering that formally you are still married to that mononoke.” Aiko ranted, scowling. “The lord contacted Hiroyoshi Shinji, who is now on mission. He voiced the desire to marry you, once you are free from that horrible and repulsive demon.”

Shinji? Mai couldn’t care less. Her friend must have pitied her. However, Aiko insulting Sesshomaru pissed her. The girl whirled around to look at her, anger in her eyes.

“Sesshomaru is neither repulsive nor horrible!” she spat at the old crone. “He’s a decent, honorable and courageous man!”

With that words she whirled around and stalked away, eager to be left alone to mop without anyone interfering.

“Amayami!” Aiko tried to stop her, anger distorting her face. “He’s a demon, remember that.”

“I happen to love that demon!” Mai exclaimed and ran down the hall to her chambers.

The girl got to her quarters and slammed the door shut, glad, that she was alone at last. It was already evening, so she decided to go to the bed early. Not that she had anything better to do. She changed into her sleeping kimono and threw herself onto the bed and gripped the pillow tightly. Damn, sleeping on the hard ground while camping in the forest was much better than this soft bed. Anyway, she shut her eyes and slowly drifted to slumber.

Mai was dreaming. Her eyeballs moved erratically under her lids, as she was trashing on the bed. Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she abruptly sat up, pressing her hands to the chest in attempt to calm the racing heart. The girl was panting heavily, the sweat on her forehead. She didn’t exactly remember, what she was dreaming about, but she recalled Sesshomaru. It must have been a horrible nightmare, if she woke up like that. She tried to calm down, but the restless feeling persisted, like a bad hunch. She had such feeling once before – it was the night her dad died in a car accident.

“Sesshomaru!” Mai gasped.

Author Note:

Ha! I bet you expected more fluff! No, it's not that easy with me...

Anyway, please comment.

And one more thing. I know that most of you come from USA. Could you please explain schooling system in USA? It's for the research - I want to know how many years you do the highschool, where after the highschool (for example Mr A wants to become a lawyer - what should he do). I'd be grateful for help with that. ;-)